that RAYA post hehhe

after 1 mth of fasting in the mth if ramadhan, the mth of syawal is finally here..
this year raye is a bit different. dearest nenek accept my dads offer to celebrate raye with us this year round.. so firts day did'nt go out the whole day..sambut tetamu/entertain guest.. so a bit relax lah quite fun alos get to meet all the cousin from my dad side .. the guys most of us in NS now so confirm topic of the day was all abt ARMY and comparing coys...
morning ask from forgiveness from dad, mum , nenek, and my sisters
then receive guests frommy dad side and then after that once it is all done LEPAK!!! hahaha
second day was with my MUM side lah hehe uber fun lah get to meet all of them and we celebrate my niece birthday, Sophia Lim she turns 10 this year.. ok still youung but hey i wish her all the best in life coz its not easy or tough haha
went to oe of my couzins place and he got PS3 and the whole set of guitar hero world tour..
all jump to the chance to play guitar hero even my dad... he is supe good in playing the drums lah .. shall ask my dad to sponsor part of the cost to gte myself the PS3 and the whole guitar hereo set since he can also play in the weekends lah hehe...rock on DAD.. hehe
and the rest of the days was filled with more more laughters... and not to forget our routine jumpshots at a particular makciks house lah only there we will do our jump shots haha
ok photos are available at my FB lah heh lazy to upload...

to all the muslims in the world in particular my friends and relatives
SELEMAT HARI RAYE MAAF ZAHIR DAN BATIN
IF I HAVE DONE ANYTHING WRONG PLEASE FORGIVE ME OK...
cheerios!!!

dead and gone

the ramadhan is here and i m not making progress to be a gd musslim this year
ok lets just put that a side do not want to talk abt it again and again

well the resaon why i decided to write this post because something happen
well herre is the timeline
1300 meet with ridhwan friend about this particular business opportunity
1400 meet mitchell and joel (bmt mates)
1430 the meeting ended supposed to end at 1330 to 1345
1500 finally meet up with mitch and joel (1 hour late)
1800 meet BMC mates for iftar
1900 break fast time zone, just finish my meet up with BMT mates due to an hour late earlier
2000 finally reach simpang bedok so i was 1 hr late to buke with them
2100 meet helmi at geylang to find baju kurung
2200 just reach geylang from the meet up with BMC mates
yeah so i was late for every meet ups i made with my 3 grp of frens
poor time management and yeah as a result people have to wait for me
and its always they wait for me not the other way round

Helmi have to wait for me for like more an hour or so alone at geylang while waiting for maddie to tag along. the plan is to meet up with helmi first walk arnd to wait for madhiah to reach geylang with her parents. but plans with ruz will nvr go as plan so yeah i admit it i screwed up!! trying to squeeze this beautiful saturday to meet up with 4 different group of people that i rarely meet and as a result people have to suffer.

To all my friends especially Helmi,Mitchell, Joel, Haadi, Syafiq, Farid, Hilmi sorry for making u guys wait for me. i guess i m not that a good fren huh making people wait only. i guess i m trying to hard to accomadate to everyone. i learn a very important lesson and its not abt coming on time i learn that already 2 years back. its abt making gd judgement and good managment of time
Good Judgement:
i was hesitant to leave Mitch and Joel have way thru our meet up even though i know i will be late for the iftar i still decide to catch a movie with them at 5. IDK i was like erm i dun want to leave coz its been months since we meet and its very rare since everyoone schedule is fucked up and when we meet its only a few hrs..
then the meet ups with BMC peeps.. well same thing happen i decided to stay awhile longer and helmi have to wait so yeah everything snowballed and i was in shits coz of my poor judgement and making decission..
i dont blame anyone for what happen and i am cool that those affected are angry with me they have every right to feel that way
SORRY GUYS!!!


"next time don't do it again ok Ruz..." ruzaini pathetically trying to make himself feel a bit better pathetic much huh..

jealous yet happy?

i am jealous yet happy?

what kind of feeling is that? what kind of person am i? am i so confused or what huh?

i don't know somehow i feel these way ,jealous about someone or something but then i feel happy for them for being able to achieve that(whatever i m jealous of).

well i m a very jelaous person, if ppl read in my super old entries, i will always want what others get. Awesome grades, fantastic life, bestest friends, privelleges at their fingertips and many more.

so i decided to type down what i feel deep inside.

yes the truth that has been hiding in me i m VERY JEALOUS of my Friends!!

there i have said it.. BUT... at the same time i am very happy for in whatever i m jealous abt

i guess i m those kind of person who is very hungry aye.. i will never be satisfied with what i have and will always want to be the same or on par with them arh..

is that good or bad eh? being competitive and all but is that kind of attitude even appropriate at all times? but then again when i question myself why i was never better or same as them and i found the reason why. i did not go all out to achieve that something arh. things that my friends are working on.. i procrastinate, i am timid i did not dare to take chances, make decissions that takes forever, always on the safe side and not on the road less travelled by,not garang enough...

and the reason why i am happy is because i saw in their every faces the joy of acheiving what they fight for, i realise that hey if i dun get it at least my freinds do and i at least know what it feels like to be what they are and what i am not that makes me happy. their joy and thus even if i am jealous there is no hatred but rather a drive for me to go all out and work hard to achieve better things in the future...

ruz you can do it

after 1 year and i am back

well it has been 1 year and a lot has happen to me lately

FIRSTLY A LEVEL IS SO OVER LAH HAHA

so happy can heheh and i already gotten back my results it is not fantastic but it is gd enough for me to be accepted to my dream course NURSING at NUS and i will be studying there in 2011 cant wait this bring me to the second point...

SECONDLY I AM OFFICIALLY SERVING THE COUNTRY!!!

i cant say much but it has been a pleasure serving the country for 8 months now. while some may say that it is a total waste of time but actually it is not.. it is the period for you to discover one's ability,talent,character, strength and weakness. i must say i was one of them who thinks that it is a waste of time but after going through it i realise how important for a Singaporean to defend it's own LAND... though i was dissapointed not selected for further leadership trg SISPEC/OCS it was my fault not trg hard enuf but then i m glad of my vocation now.

THIRDLY, IT IS THE RAMADHAN MONTH ONCE AGAIN..more post on that when it actaully starts lah eh..

FOURTHLY, MY EMOTIONS

lets just say this past few weeks or past few days i had a lot of reflectus moments.

1. i realise i find happiness in people that i treasure most my loved ones, my friends.

i am very happy when my friends are happy. happy that they finally find someone they love and their love return back to them. happy that they get what they want, happy that they finally get into UNI, happy that they are just happy, happy that they find peace in their life , happy that they have someone to talk to...

ohyah that reminds me.. HELMI AND MADHIAH congrats on getting together happy that u guys are happy together..and to my first SIS who finally got married to her loving HUSBAND. this i m superly happy about... happily married after 7 years of getting to know each other..

2. i wonder if i can give that same level of happiness to them? surely i think i have but then.. i doubt that i can give so much happiness to that someone special in the future. will i be like those lovey dovey couple ..whispering sweet nothings on way back home.. with conversations that make the other party feel the warmth the presence of another someone talking and listening to you that makes you feel so belong to someone...

3. i have been a neglecting on my religion.well lets just say i havent been a good boy and yeah i guess i got drifted away from reality of who am i and my commitment to my religion. so immersed in the material world that i forgot that i have a higher being to pay my respect to to serve him(Allah) it is about time that i stay rooted to the ground and pay more attention to him

4.i have been going out a lot and yeah i miss spending time with my family

5.i realise that i m not ready to be in a relationship lets just say not in another 2 or 3 years time

i still need to find and understand myself before i can understand someone else so that i can give what i noted in point 1 ad 2....

its has been a lovely year and i hope it will stay that way...

oh yah FAHMI is flying off to BRUNEI for 1 year i will miss him a lot

LIM JING FENG is flying there too also but god knows when

TAN SZE HERNG is flying off to thailand today

SHAUN my sec sch bestie is also flying there to serve the country i will miss them a lot
as for me i will still be here serving the nation though i hope that will be given the oppurtunity to better serve my country...

song of the day, merindu kepastian by art fazil

the fasting month

i am grateful that i am still alive to witness again the month of Ramadan also known as the fasting month. this is the month where all the Muslims in the world fast for a whole month.
.the whole idea of this month is to let us be aware of the suffering others face especially those in poverty hit countries and also to show how grateful we are that we are blessed with all the necessities that we have. this month also is the month all about sacrificing. as Muslims, we must a sacrifice our time to do additional prayer such as the tarawih prayers. sacrifice the food that we can eat in daytime. sacrifice our sexual pleasures.
this year i hope that i can be a good Muslim by doing all the things that i should do as a Muslim during the fasting month which means minimal swearing, less eating, less procrastinating in term of prayers time, do more charity be nice to people and not to forget paying a very close attention to my studies. yes studies even that is counted as being a good Muslim.

As usual, as the month of Ramadan approaches, i can feel the freshness in the air, the enlightenment, the willpower to do good, to study and to perform my prayers with more concentration.
hopefully god will give me the strength for me to perform whatever HE(god) ask me to and concentrate on my studies..

prelims OVER and A levels next

yeah finally prelims are over and it sucks coz it is obvious that i did very very bad for prelims no matter how hard i slog it out for my prelims
ok i think i deserve the grades coz the amount of energy and effort to prepare for prelims is like hmm 60% to 75%..
but still at least a pass..
haha but yeah lots of things happen during my prelims which contributes to the grades lah
this is not an excuse peeps
no 1 its distraction all over the place no2 i have anxiety attack for most of the papers ok
i see my maths paper and physics paper i got stressed up and in the end aku kelam kabut ah buat paper so end up i do stupid mistake very stupid ah i tell you so when going through the damn paper it is HEARTACHE everywhere ergh
and yeah ruzzy is a damn emotional person and he is full of jealousy
so when he sees his friends getting better grades than him, he feel so bitter coz he always wants to be on the same par as them if not better but in this case it is not happening..
so much for kicking asses in the end i got my own ass kicked hard
and Wednesday was a very depressing day for me why? i got back two major papers that i took and both is a damn U lah so got depressed and end up binching on FOOD!!
it feels good but yeah it sucks when your friends are doing much better than you

so i have to work hard from now on and no more blogging
so i will write what happens in my life in my favourite blue OBS note book which has become my life journal
goodbye my blog for now i will miss you lols!!

anxiety attack!!!

god i m suffering from anxiety attack from like what yesterday
i cant sleep early to prep for my paper the next day as a result i was a bit tired to do my math paper today and that result in a shitty performance seriously that paper was do-able but i m under superbly stress condition when i was doing the math paper
even before the paper my heart cant stop beating furiously fast
it is funny coz the first week of prelims i was calm and i manage to do most of the first week papers maybe an exception for maths paper1..
yes math has become a huge barrier to boost my confidence
even my dad says if u dun have the confidence to do the paper there is no way u can get a good grades
with that i become more stress!!!!! i cant find that spot in my soul where it is all calm and quiet and at peace
my soul is having a war now!! it is a toatal chaos in me!! ERGHGHGHGHGHGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!
during srtessful papers my mind will always wonder i will keep asking myself if my friend will be able to do the paper well and yeah that pushes me on to solve the qns but i m not at a calm mode so it is not that helpful either
why!!! i m feeling so nervous!! tomorrow is physics paper2 and i hope i can bring it!!
i know that i have to do well
ergh RUZ!!! stop it just calm urself down and do ur best!! like what u have always said just give in ur 110 percent and at the end of the day it is up to the judges to fail you or pass you u know u have put in ur very best to study and really understand the concepts dun have to worry what happen later just do the god damn paper with a calm soul will you!!

goodbye

it is time a bid goodbye to my blog
since i only have 10 more freaking days to my prelim exams
well maybe i dont have to depart from it for good
because blogging is a stress reliever mechanism
so if u see a new blog post after today that mean i m stressed up from mugging!!
well i hope to get all C grades for prelims no matter what so yeah C grade here i come
i need to kick lots of asses for prelims lah
there is a number of people i want to kick their ass
here are the list of people and the subjects that i have to kick ass!!
General Paper - Haziq Jani
Biology - Jun Xiang
Malay Lit - the class girls
Physics- Helmi Sani/ Fahmi
Mathematics - Fahmi, Chen Li
maybe i should bid goodbye to my friends too..erm maybe not because i still need them!!

my wish

i wish

for a world which coexist

in its complexity and simplicity

a world where life is as easy as it seems

i wish

for world peace

where aggression doesnt exist

everyone live in harmony

sharing fruits of success

i wish

for a world where the 7 sins

are absent

for greed overule us

i wish

that you do not exist

life will be simpler

i can stop thinking about you

every minute second hour day week month year

i wish

that i never have to know you

knowing you

makes my life harder

i cant decide what to do

in the midst of all this

i realise

complexity is simplicity

the complex can be simple as it seems

simple things can be complex

technology may seem to make it simple

it only makes things complicated

ship all the wealthy

to an island for they can exist

and let us live in peace

only then we can prosper

and live in a pace where

we can enjoy life as it is

i am a sinner

well yeah that is what i thought about myself i am a sinner
of all the sins that i have committed comittinng this sin is a big one and yeah hell awaits me in my after life
ok maybe i am exagerating but yeah if i manage to go back to the correct path then i can wait to be in heaven and enjoy peace!!

well besides that schools has been a real toughy!!
ergh!! why is it so difficult y cant it be easy huh?
well no one said it is going to be easy... and u choose to take this path so u gotta earn it and burn it
burn it? erm i m burning it i have been trying my very best to do a pretty decent work?
hello are you sure u are giving ur best? but the result is not showing my dear...
yeah i m sure lah.. ok maybe not really burining but at least i am trying right
well point taken but you can do much much better.. i have read ur scripts and i dare say it is like a 13 year old work... the only distinct thing between you and a 13 year old maybe u have more content or level of maturity but besides that is is just a crap essay full of grammar mistakes
well... u dun have to be that harsh lah i know my command of english is not fantastic and i m trying to be better
well then u should try harder do something about it come on you have only less than 3 mths before this major exam you are sitting for right?
yeaps true then i shall do something about it then..
yeah u should my dear coz the rate i m seeing you do things don't even bother looking forward to apply to a local university and i m serious so GOOD LUCK!!
ergh.....is so irritating so much for helping me to do better... your last comment is so not needed right now..
yeah no one said it is going to be easy
especially imrpoving ur grades.. ok maybe maths and physics it is possible but for gp a language subjects at this rate i m going i aint sure if i can
besides academics, it so hard to forget someone or what is inside you and what is happening to you
everything is so difficult this days...